- Lamp.
Lamp.
- I think it knows it's a lamp.
- I know.
I want it to turn on.
Lamp. Aw.
Do you need a ride to school?
- Nah, Freddie's mom's gonna drive us.
And look what I'm gonna hand in today.
- You finished your history report?
- No, I finished
the greatest history report in the history
of history reports.
- Nice. So, what's-- - don't touch it.
- Sorry.
I just have to keep this report
looking absolutely perfect.
I've never worked harder
on anything in my life.
And guess what?
- What, lamp? What?
- If I get an "a" on this,
that means I'll get an "a"
for the semester, which means I'll have
straight a's on my report card
for the first time ever.
- I'm very proud of you.
Lamp. Yeah.
Why won't it work?
- Oh, let me see the instructions.
- Good luck.
They're in Japanese.
- Oh, well, did you try saying lamp
in Japanese?
- I did not.
What's the Japanese word for lamp?
- Looks like, "rampu."
- Okay. Rampu. Rampu. Rampu.
- Hey.
- It works.
- Yeah.
You just gotta say it like
a really angry Japanese man.
- Rampu. Come, try.
- Rampu.
- In five, four, three, two--
* I know you see *
* somehow the world *
* will change for me *
* and be so wonderful *
* live life, breathe air *
* I know somehow *
* we're gonna get there *
* and feel so wonderful *
* it's all for real *
* I'm tellin' you *
* just how I feel *
* so wake up the members *
* of my nation *
* it's your time to be *
* there's no chance *
* unless you take one *
* every time you see *
* the brighter side *
* of every situation *
* some things are meant to be *
* so give me your best *
* and leave the rest to me *
* leave it all to me *
* *
* leave it all to me *
* just leave it all to me *
- and subsequently, this was interpreted
as a violation of their rights to freedom
of religious expression
as granted in the letter of majesty
issued by emperor Rudolf ii in 1609.
- Mr. devlin-- - no, I will not slow down.
This leads us to the calamitous events
which served as a daunting precursor
to the ignominious
defenestration of Prague.
I've graded your reports
so you can pick them up on your way out.
Awful.
Hideous.
Bad.
Terrible.
Congratulations, Carly.
Your report was outstanding,
the best in the class.
- Really?
That's so great 'cause I-- you gave me a b?
But I thought you said
it was the best in the class.
- It was, but it was printed
on three-hole paper, which I hate.
- Then just let me reprint it
for you on paper
that's completely hole-free.
- Reports can only be submitted once,
silly little truffle.
- But this means I'll get
a b plus for the semester.
- Yes. Congratulations.
- I'd like to punch three holes in him.
That's what I'd like to do.
Tell you what, on the next icarly,
we tell everyone to go egg
to Mr. devlin's house.
- Nah, he'd probably like it
'cause eggs don't have three holes.
- I told you not to take his class.
- Yes, thank you, Freddie.
- Well, if it isn't
my straight "a" little sister, "carlay."
- Don't call me "carlay"
'cause I-- - shh.
To celebrate your straight a's,
I'm making you a giant "a"
made out of a bunch
of smaller a's that I found.
- Spencer-- - your "a" is gonna be huge.
And when it's all done--
- I'm not getting straight a's.
Mr. devlin gave me a b
on my report even though he said
it was flawless.
- And why did you get a b?
- 'Cause I printed it on three-hole paper.
- Mr. devlin's like the strictest teacher
in school.
- Yeah, I know.
He used to be lunchroom monitor.
He gave me detention.
- For?
- Playing with my fruit.
- Listen, it was really cool
of you to make this big "a"
for me, but would you mind taking it apart?
- Carly-- - seriously.
If I'm not gonna get straight a's,
then I'd rather not be reminded of...
Of what almost was.
- Who needs a hug?
- Me.
- Hey, how do you turn this lamp on?
- Rampu.
- Ahhh.
- Principal Franklin, Sam is here for her
regular Tuesday appointment.
- Send her in.
Good morning, Sam.
- Mornin', Ted.
- Sam?
- Good morning, principal Franklin.
- Thank you.
Now, what trouble have you gotten in
over the past week?
- Let's see.
I got yelled at by Ms. Briggs
for getting an f on a quiz--
- and why did you fail the quiz?
- I didn't know the answers.
- Right. Next.
- Oh, I got kicked out of the cafeteria
for slapping gibby with a piece of pizza.
- Why did you slap gibby
with a piece of pizza?
- I found it on the floor.
I wasn't gonna eat it.
- Sam--
- excuse me, principal Franklin,
I am trying to enter the report card grades
into the system,
but it's not letting me log in.
- Well, you can log in using my user name.
- That would be wonderful.
- Yes, let's see if it's working.
Sam, just sit quietly
and try not to break anything.
- No promises.
- My user name is big Teddy.
- Big Teddy.
Shh!
- My password is corncake21.
There, working fine.
- Thank you, I'll get started on it.
- Wait, I spilled some syrup on my tie.
Do you know anything about removing stains?
- Yes, I took a course on stain removal
in community college.
- Excellent, Sam, I'll be back
in five minutes.
- Have fun with your stain.
Guess what, guess what, guess what.
- Is this about that
new bacon-flavored bubblegum?
- No. They have that?
- Yeah.
But just tell me what you're all
whipped up about.
- First, you gotta swear
you won't tell anybody.
- I swear.
- No, you got to ankle swear.
- Okay. Go.
- I swear.
- Now, tell me.
- I changed your grade
in the school's computer.
- You changed-- - shhh.
Why'd you do that?
- So you'll get
the straight a's you deserve.
- You changed my b plus-- - to an "a" plus.
And I changed two of my d's to b's.
And I even bumped up
one of Freddie's grades.
- Why?
- I owe him 40 bucks
and I figure, now we're even.
- Sam-- - you know you deserve
straight a's.
- Yeah, but not this way.
I gotta go tell principal Franklin.
- You can't. You swore.
We shook ankles.
- Well, can I at least tell Freddie?
- Why?
- 'Cause this involves him too.
- Dude-- - I'll make him swear
not to tell.
- Ow! I have to tell.
- You can't tell.
- I have to tell.
- No.
- Ow. Let go of me.
- You promised.
- Carly.
- Freddie.
- Let me up.
- Not if you're gonna tell on Sam.
- Then you tell.
- No, I swore to Sam.
We have to come up with a way to fix this
without telling on Sam.
- Why would Sam change my grade
and make it better?
She hates me.
- She said it would get her
out of paying you 40 bucks.
- Aw. I'm not gonna get my 40 bucks?
- Focus Freddie.
How do we change our grades back
before the report cards go out?
- Well, if I can get access
to the school's network,
I could do it from my laptop.
There's a t5 Jack in the computer lab
I could tap into.
- Okay.
Tomorrow in class,
I'll distract Mr. Wembley
and then you can go do
your techy fix-it stuff.
- Right.
Oh, and, just for the record,
the only reason
you pinned me down like that
was 'cause I wasn't ready.
- Are you ready now?
- Yeah.
Why, you think you're--
can we please not tell anyone about this?
- Now, everyone, please complete exercises
number seven and nine.
- What about number eight?
- I'm in charge.
- Okay, I'll distract Mr. Wembley.
You go tap into the b5 line.
- T5.
- It matters. Just go.
Mr. Wembley, I have a question
about my computer.
- Yes, Carly?
- Hello, Mr. t5 line,
you're about to get freddied.
- What's your question?
- Why are there two shift keys?
- Just do your work, please.
I have to go back and zap my p-ram.
- Oh.
- Whoa. Carly.
- Oh, what happened?
Did I faint?
- Yes, are you all right?
- It happens all the time.
It's no big deal.
- Oh, all right.
I'm just gonna go back to my desk.
- Oh.
- Okay, generating random codes.
Sweet.
We're past the school's firewall,
which gives us access to everything.
Man, look at all this information.
- Hey, look, it's principal Franklin's
birthday today.
- Oh, yeah.
- Wait, whoa, whoa, is that the lunch menu
for this week?
- Yeah. Why?
- Would it kill anyone
if we changed spinach to tater tots?
- Tater tots it is.
Okay, here we go, student grades.
Scrolling down to shay, comma, Carly.
- Csa.
- Put your hands where I can see them.
- Okay.
- Yes sirs.
- Who are you guys?
- Computer security agency.
Step away from that laptop.
- What's this about?
- You two kids go to ridgeway junior high?
- Yeah.
- Uh-huh.
- We were advised that there was a breach
in your school's
computer network this afternoon
and we tracked it back
to your wireless uplink.
- You two are in a whole lot of trouble.
- We're going to need to speak
to a parent or a legal guardian.
- Spencer.
- I am in the bathtub.
- Are we under arrest?
- Are you gonna take us to juvie?
- I don't wanna go to juvie.
- They're gonna take us to juvie.
- This just doesn't make any sense.
I've been their school principal
for three years and I am telling you,
Carly and Freddie
are very well-behaved students.
- Look, somebody attached
that wireless uplink
to your school's t5 line
and we traced it back to this location.
- Would any of you gentlemen
like some wahoo punch?
- We have to tell 'em.
- We can't.
I promised Sam and you promised me.
- But they're gonna--
- a promise is a promise.
- But I-- - a promise is a promise.
- Would you two please come over here?
- Carly, Freddie, these men insist
that you two were trying to hack
into our school's computer network.
- We did hack into the school network.
- We did? We did.
- Carly-- - why?
- Well, we wanted to know
when your birthday was.
- Right.
We heard it was today.
- And we just wanted to be sure.
- So we could give you a present.
- There, you see?
I told you, these kids wouldn't be up
to anything mischievous.
So, what did you get me?
- What?
- You said you had a present for me.
- Yes. Wait here.
Why did you have to mention a present?
- 'Cause you brought up the birthday thing.
- But we don't have a present.
- Why is it my fault?
- 'Cause you brought up the present.
- What are we gonna do?
- I don't know.
- Neither do I.
- Shh. Oh.
- Ah. Ah.
- Oh.
- Happy birthday.
- Oh, my goodness, a microwave oven.
- Yup.
- 1,100 watts.
- It's a good one.
- Well, I just heard our report cards
were mailed out yesterday.
- Great.
So that's it then,
no changing our grades back.
- I feel dirty.
- Hey, Carly, hey fredward.
What's your guys problem?
- You are.
- We tried to change
our grades back and two goons
from the computer security
agency showed up at my house.
- Did you guys rat me out?
- No.
- We had to lie and give away
my microwave oven.
- 1,100 watts.
- Well, look on the bright side,
there was a screw up in the cafeteria.
They got tater tops.
- Can you not see how upset we are?
- We don't care about taters.
- Even in top form.
- You made us lie to principal Franklin.
- To keep your dirty little secret.
I feel so guilty.
- Look, I promise, it gets easier.
Soon you'll be able to lie
and feel nothing at all.
- Hey.
- You liar.
- What?
- You said you weren't gonna
get straight a's, but you did.
- Yeah, well--oh.
- Report cards came in the mail.
- Yeah.
- I guess Mr. devlin gave you
what you deserved after all.
I'm so proud of you.
- You should be.
She earned that grade.
- Yeah, yeah, whatever.
- Oh, check it out.
I've almost entirely rebuilt
your "a" sculpture.
It'll be a permanent reminder
of what you did.
- Ain't that the truth.
- And I called dad, told him
about your straight a's.
- No.
- Yes.
- And he told me to go out
and buy you this.
It's a big TV for your room.
- Yay.
- How come you don't look excited?
- I am.
It's just--I already have
so many nice things.
Can't we give that to a hobo or something?
- No.
Hobos can't afford cable.
- Carly.
- I'm going upstairs.
- She's a little upset.
- Why is she upset?
- 'Cause hobos can't afford cable.
Hi.
- Hey.
What up with the hoodie and sun--
man, you look horrible.
- Thanks, girls love hearing that.
- I didn't mean-- - it's okay.
I know I look horrible.
I didn't sleep at all last night.
- The report card thing?
- Yes.
The guilt is killing me.
- I know. Me too.
- And like it wasn't bad enough,
Spencer put a gigantic new TV in my room.
How can I sleep when I got 42 inches
of hi-def guilt staring at me all night?
And look at my fingernails.
- Gross.
What happened to 'em?
- I chewed them off, right down to the nub.
I'm a 13-year-old girl
and I've got the fingers of a hobo.
Did you know they can't afford cable?
- Hey, Carls, come here,
you made the top 10.
- The honors list?
- Yup.
Oh, you pushed Karen yamakao
right off the list.
- Congratulations, Carly.
- Aw.
- In five, four, three, two-- - I'm Sam.
- And I'm guilty.
- Carly.
- And I'm Carly.
- And this web show now comes
with twice the comedy.
- And only half the fat
of a regular web show.
- Okay.
So, lately, tons of you people
have been coming here to icarly.Com
and sending us lots of cool videos.
So, we thought we'd kick off tonight's show
with an amazing one.
Carly?
Carly.
- Well, if it isn't
my straight "a" little sister, carlay.
- Soon you'll be able to lie
and feel nothing at all.
- Your "a" is gonna be huge.
- Congratulations, Carly.
- Hobos can't afford cable.
- That's it.
I can't take it anymore.
Spencer.
- Hey, I thought icarly--
- I didn't really get straight a's.
- Huh?
- Mr. devlin gave me a b plus,
then Sam changed my grade
in the school's computer.
Freddie and I tried to change it back,
but then we got caught,
that's why the csa came here.
I lied to principal Franklin,
I made Karen yamakao cry,
and my hair is falling out.
Look it.
- So, I have to take apart
my big "a" again?
- Tell me what to do.
- Why can't you tell
principal Franklin the truth?
- 'Cause I promised Sam
I wouldn't tell anybody.
- Did you ankle shake on it?
- Yes.
- Oh my god.
- Hey, are you all right?
- What happened?
- Sam, I'm sorry.
I told Spencer everything.
- What kind of world do we live in
where an ankle shake means nothing anymore?
- I didn't wanna break
my promise, but the guilt
was eating me alive.
What do I do?
- Come on, you're a smart little Carly,
so you should know
sometimes doing what's right
is more important than keeping a promise.
- What?
- There's an "a" stuck to your butt.
- That's so embarrassing.
- Carly, I was just--
- I have to tell you something.
- All right.
- I changed my grade in honors history
because I thought I deserved an "a,"
then I felt bad about it,
so I tried to change it back,
but the csa stopped me before I could,
and then I lied to you about your birthday,
which I really didn't care about at all.
- So, you want the microwave back?
- No, you can keep the microwave,
but I feel terrible about this whole thing
and I just wanna make it right.
- I see.
And you were the one who changed
your grade to an "a"
in the school's computer?
- Yes, sir.
- Because Freddie just told me
that he was the one who hacked
the school's computer
and changed your grade to an "a."
- Hi yah.
- Okay, it was me all right.
I hacked the computer
and I changed the grades.
- Now, that I believe.
- And the only reason
they didn't tell on me
was 'cause I made them promise not to.
And I was wrong to do that to a friend.
- Thanks.
- So, are we in trouble?
- I get to keep the microwave?
- It's all yours.
- Then I think under the circumstances,
you and Freddie are off the hook.
- Awesome.
- Thanks.
- But as for Sam-- - yeah, yeah, don't get
all dramatic, just hit me with it.
- Detention twice a week for six weeks.
I'm sorry, Sam.
- Hey, I gotta learn my lesson.
- Ah, time for assembly.
Shall we?
- Let's make my detention
once a week for two weeks.
Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair,
hair, hair, hair, hair.
- Hey, it's me Carly.
- On the other hand, I'm Sam.
- And this is icarly.
- Voted the number one web show
in the world.
- By who?
- Me.
- Then, it's official.
Captioning performed by peoplesupport transcription & captioning